Hedging

That which is eternal will remain eternal, and that which is worldly will crumble to dust. Christ restored us through his passion, giving us passage into eternal life. The things which we created with our hands shall crumble to dust. The trophies we award each other or the towers we built to show our grandness will fade away. 

When was the last time you saw a two-year-old child marvel at a Lamborgenni rolling down the street? My two-year-old did marvel at the awesomeness of a rolie polie bug. The bug is eternal and made by God. The sports car is not. We cannot enter into the kingdom of God unless we become like little children living in awe of God’s creation and the truth of His love. 

True love given by God can bear all pain and suffering. Christ encompasses divine love. Therefore, he can accept the ultimate sacrifice of dying for the ones He loves. We can pierce him as often as we succumb to sin, and he can still bear our pain. The heart that grows in the Spirit into a Christlike heart learns to endure Christlike pain. 

When we continue to enter the sacred space of divine love, we too can bear pain, sorrow, disappointments in which people we love sinned against us. Love makes us foolish, and if love makes us into fools, it would also make our Lord a fool. My Lord Jesus will be with me in my foolishness. 

“Sin is the sharpest scourge that any chosen soul may be smitten with: which scourge throughly beateth man and woman, and maketh him hateful in his own sight, so far forth that afterwhile he thinketh himself he is not worthy but as to sink in hell,-till[that time] when contrition taketh him by touching of the Holy Ghost, and turneth the bitterness into hopes of God’s mercy.” Julian of Norwich, Revelation of Divine Love, Chapter XXXIX.

The sacred space of love within me is the only space of love that is eternal. It is not from searching every corner of the external world. It’s in my psyche, my soul. The space I enter where I am truly myself and where I exist with God. It’s a place where I’m known to myself and God. It’s the place where I know God. I am there because I was willing to travel deep into myself to save myself. It is where I’m willing to fall of my face and continually ask for God’s mercy.

I once saw that space with two versions of myself. The child self is lovely, tender, and very vulnerable. She was holding an older man’s hand, who is my image of God. The adult version of me entered that space angry and vicious ready to make war. Yet, as God held her hand, He told me he loves her, and until I love her, I cannot love Him. My quest for love would be in vain.

From that moment on, my negative self-talk ceased. I learned to love myself as who I was and loved that little girl. I accepted my childhood as it was without needing it to be any different. I reconciled with the innocence of a child who knew not how to protect herself. I let go of dreaming about an alternative childhood and embraced the one I had. The release of control over protecting myself at all costs moved me into the reality where I depend on God entirely for protection. I became her, she is me, and I broke free. 

Self-forgiveness allowed me to be more tender to myself and more loving. It is different than making excuses but loves in pureness of heart. Love I allowed myself to receive from God extends out into the world. I am free to live and love eternally. This infinite space doesn’t have a door that close to shut out the world. It’s more of an opening in a hedge that leads into the garden of my soul. Constant prayer allows for this opening to stay open and not allow weeds and vines of doubt and distrust to close it shut. This space is knowing, revealing, and intimate. It’s very deep within myself which I allow others entry in communion with my soul and God. It’s a very risky space that true love exists and reveals. It’s where love does not seek to take or give but love as freedom of expression.

Image: Richard Edward Miller, The Pool, 1910.